The mind, as usual takes flight toward its endless swirls of thoughts ... I think of all those people at that time are on the shore of a beach to relax and laugh as the sun and the wind caresses them nicely .. . So I feel a longing for the sea, my eternal love, which with its immensity, its silence and gently rocked her afresh every time a sense of serenity and appacatezza residing in the delicate jewel of my emotions.
I think back to my trip to Sharm, and after the discussion I had with my mother shortly before departure ... Pictures and words of the moment .. constantly alternate Failure, disappointment, promises, lack of understanding, my concern ... and another futile attempt to bring home to my mother what a year now I was dying!
So then, here I am again, back to my rambling thoughts, that throughout the long afternoon walk have kept me company .. So here is my story, my mistakes, my decisions, my fears I have characterized in recent years ... here is a little prologue of what was actually my life, hidden to each of you from my countless smiles and deception.
"My story begins more or less 4 years ago, when unexpectedly, because of a bloody car accident My cousin Matt finally left this life, leaving an indelible mark and dark inside us.
was like hearing a loud snap of the fingers that I awoke from the superficial life in which to pay ... Something inside me stirred up, creating a small crack that in a short time, would have destroyed everything, taking away any My certainty ... It was the beginning of how slowly made painfully aware of how ALL IN ONE MOMENT CAN CHANGE!
first few days of that incident, however I became engaged with Fabio, who was a sort of anesthetic to deaden the blow of that loss.
Stare at his side made me immensely happy, my life began to revolve around him, or whatever fecessi I thought it was only and exclusively addressed to the person I loved most in the world.
The divinizzai, I was unable to see him in the presence of some small imperfections .. I was only at his side to learn and I was convinced that the only thing I could do to reward him was give him my most sincere love.
I forgot what were worth as a person of my strength and boldness, removed completely distrust of others and consequently disimparai to protect themselves.
Without even realizing it had dismissed my to be with his friends, his family instead of mine ... I was speaking of his ideals, his dreams, desires, its future, without worry of mine. Having him at my side, I had everything! They do not need more!!
But suddenly, after about 3 years of carelessness and naivete, that's devastating quell'assordante and pop back to visit me, spreading and completely destroying the famous crack that was created in 4 years before.
no longer a certainty, no longer a dream, an emotion, a desire. Everything I believed, I saw him wipe away with such speed and strength typical of a tornado.
Day after day it was creating in me, an arid desert, populated by the fear of doing, love, suffering ... Sometimes you can be glimpsed here and there of small oases, for better or worse have kept me alive. I am talking to some friends, to my piano and scuba diving.
E 'spent just over a year since I saw myself forced to having to rebuild a new me.
Even today, those who really can understand me, could see the sign "Work in progress" displayed on my face.
Well yes, I'm still here I groped in the torment of seeing the shadow of ambition, of a project;
I can not figure out what I want from my future ... so everything seems useless!
My university especially! To that end, the'm doing? I have been 10 tests, and I have not the slightest desire or strength to give it.
not really wait to get rid of this huge burden, but then to have some kind of job opportunities, but only and exclusively to throw weight behind this, because that's how I live now the university, as a heavy chain tied around the body, which is driving me slowly sinking in an abyss devoid of light.
In recent months, my mind has started to fantasize about an absurd idea about my future ... I see around the world with a backpack, full of experiences and ricodi, surrounded by unknown faces that smile at me ...
A foolish dream, and even trivial, I know too! But it's the only thing I can wish right now ... I feel that my place is here and only in that way I could find real peace .. my Creation!
And so, waiting for that flight that will take me to wonder as the goal, slowly and with great daring to go against in my near future ... one small step at a time I live the "now" seeing what I can do and at the same time I set one to the head and quietly the next day .. "
My words are just an attempt to understand why sometimes the smile disappears from my face and why it can no longer study.
The idea of \u200b\u200bnot having a 'ambition and above all be well etched in me, knowing that there is no certainty in this life, it scares me and I displaces so much to fear even the smallest action you can do.
But do not give pain to me, you who read my writing, a part of me knows for sure that sooner or later will realize, or at least, I will do everything possible to succeed!
I will not let the silly fears immobilize here in this ridiculous limbo!
I will not let the silly fears immobilize here in this ridiculous limbo!
